A. Oftentimes we repeat the same patterns in life without knowing why.  As children, we may have felt ashamed of our feelings or encouraged to "tough it out" on our own when things got difficult.  We may have learned to "avoid" problems until we became overcome by strong emotion, or just stopped feeling altogether.  We may wonder why we react as we do.  Often we let fear block us from what we want to do, because we fear rejection, failure, or even success.

 As a therapist, I believe we have good reasons for what we do, even if we don't know consciously what those reasons are.  Usually we are trying to get our needs met, whether they are needs for attention, love, belonging, or comfort.  People usually enter therapy when the patterns they have developed to get their needs met stop working.  

People are at their best when they feel empowered and accepted, and together you and I develop a therapeutic relationship in which it is safe to examine and challenge those learned patterns which are no longer serving you well.  In therapy, you have a chance to feel heard, understood, and challenged to be the person you really want to be.

A. Coping with anger is like putting out a fire: 

1. First you recognize there is a fire.
2. Next, you take emergency steps to put the fire out and make everyone safe.
3. Finally, you investigate what caused the fire and how future fires can be prevented.

When you get angry at work, you don't need to call the fire department, but the first thing to do is recognize you are angry.  Maybe you are warm, your heart is beating fast, you are shaking, or you raise your voice.  Acknowledging the feeling gives you a chance to choose how to act, rather than just reacting.  Don't do anything to "get even" while you are still angry; that usually makes the problem worse.  Instead, take some deep breaths.  If possible, take a break, even just a short walk around your desk or to the restroom.  The physical activity of walking can help.  Anger itself isn't bad; it's just a feeling.  You can choose to handle your anger in a positive way.

Often anger is a signal to us that something in our environment isn't right.  Perhaps, when you are feeling calmer, you need to take action, such as talking with your boss about your workload, or approaching an inconsiderate co-worker.  Problem-solving or role-playing with a friend may help.